There is a tremendous amount of pain within me. It’s deep within my gut. It’s the pain of unrequited love. This love for him runs deep through my veins. It feels so pure yet it causes pain because this love is not returned. It is blocked, rejected and ignored. It has been like this for a very long time yet I can’t seem to let go. I continue to allow myself to live with this pain. It has become part of my life. Why can’t I let go? Why? I know in order to be happy and healthy I need to release this person from my body, mind and soul. Yet, this seems so impossible to do. I am stuck—in love, with someone who does not love with me. This desire that I cannot fill eats away at me. I feel like there is a void within me…that something’s missing. I feel like I lost something important—something that fit well in my life. It’s a vicious cycle of suffering that I keep myself in. Holding onto hope is actually causing me to sink deeper into darkness. I've held onto hope for so long that the idea of giving up and letting go is just as painful as holding on. Yet I choose to hold on to hope that one day there can be peace and normalcy between us. That’s all I really want. The idea of never seeing or speaking to him again is painful—very painful. The logical side of me says “let go”, “move on”, “you can do it”. I am a beautiful person filled with light and love yet I allow myself to be sucked into darkness. I seep down into a darkness of thoughts and empty questions. I speculate on why things didn't work, can’t work, won’t work. I am I left with nothing; I have no answers. I keep a fire of love burning within me. It’s glimmer of hope that someday, somehow I can reconnect with this person. But this fire within me burns me—it hurts me. Yet, I keep it burning—fueling it with hope. These feelings are so ingrained in my being. How do I release them? If I could cut them out I would. My stomach is tense and tight as I write this. How could I allow myself to get this way? I am in love and hypnotized by someone who doesn't give a shit about me. Is it love or is it just an obsession? Love shouldn't be so painful. Why would I be obsessed with something that causes so much pain? Every day is a struggle to keep my head up above the clouds. There are good days and bad days. I am physically strong; my heart pumps, yet within me is there is this weakness. I have a longing for someone who is not available. I want someone who is no longer there. This is truly painful. There is this force; it’s a feeling so great within me. It’s an energy I cannot tame. I think its love, but how can it be love if it leaves me feeling empty and hopeless? I am smart and creative. Why am I unable to think of a way out of this? How do I end this suffering? For now I meditate daily. Those are my moments of peace. But I have yet to find the answer of how to heal the true pain of unrequited love. I have yet to figure out how to let go of this person.